Coming to Terms with my Anxiety and Depression
This is a really hard post for me to write as I have never spoke about it before. I have suffered with anxiety since I was 10 years old and depression since I was 14 years old. Now I am 19 years old and I still struggle with both. I feel like as time has gone on, I don't seem to be getting any better, in fact I feel I am getting worse. Trying to get through each day sometimes feels like an impossible task.
For the majority of my life, I haven't had a good relationship with my Mum. We have never seen eye to eye. The constant arguments, fights and just general verbal and physical abuse eats away at me each day, making me feel horrible and worthless. I am constantly criticised about my weight and appearance. I am reminded on a daily basis how much of a disappointment I am. I can only dream of having a close relationship with my Mum but things have gone too far for that.
Luckily I had my Nana, who has now passed away. She was the one person who treated me like a daughter. We had an amazing relationship. She was my best friend, my biggest supporter and just my everything. She is the reason I am now pursuing my dreams with my blog and YouTube. She always believed in me and knew I could do anything if I put my mind to it. Since my Nana has passed, my relationship with my Mum no longer exists. I currently stay with my boyfriend and his family that is how bad things have gotten.
I have been back and forth to the doctors for years, numerous counselling sessions and different medications. None have helped, I feel more vulnerable than ever before. I am fed up of being like this, the sleepless nights, the constant worry, crying until I have no more tears left. Pushing everyone away when I really need them. The dark thoughts haunt me all the time and I feel like I am trapped in this hell hole alone. I have had one previous suicide attempt where I ended up in hospital but I won't let it get the better of me!
I used to be in denial with my mental health, I hated the thought that I was different but now I have came to terms with it. Every day is a struggle but I don't wanna give up, I am determined to fight it and hopefully one day it will no longer have a hold over me.
Thank you for reading this, I have gotten a lot off my chest.
Onwards and upwards.
Stay weird.
-C x
For the majority of my life, I haven't had a good relationship with my Mum. We have never seen eye to eye. The constant arguments, fights and just general verbal and physical abuse eats away at me each day, making me feel horrible and worthless. I am constantly criticised about my weight and appearance. I am reminded on a daily basis how much of a disappointment I am. I can only dream of having a close relationship with my Mum but things have gone too far for that.
Luckily I had my Nana, who has now passed away. She was the one person who treated me like a daughter. We had an amazing relationship. She was my best friend, my biggest supporter and just my everything. She is the reason I am now pursuing my dreams with my blog and YouTube. She always believed in me and knew I could do anything if I put my mind to it. Since my Nana has passed, my relationship with my Mum no longer exists. I currently stay with my boyfriend and his family that is how bad things have gotten.
I have been back and forth to the doctors for years, numerous counselling sessions and different medications. None have helped, I feel more vulnerable than ever before. I am fed up of being like this, the sleepless nights, the constant worry, crying until I have no more tears left. Pushing everyone away when I really need them. The dark thoughts haunt me all the time and I feel like I am trapped in this hell hole alone. I have had one previous suicide attempt where I ended up in hospital but I won't let it get the better of me!
I used to be in denial with my mental health, I hated the thought that I was different but now I have came to terms with it. Every day is a struggle but I don't wanna give up, I am determined to fight it and hopefully one day it will no longer have a hold over me.
Thank you for reading this, I have gotten a lot off my chest.
Onwards and upwards.
Stay weird.
-C x
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